Managing Gambling Worry

Managing Worrying Thoughts

Are you constantly thinking about gambling?

The difference between thinking about things you really like and thinking about something you used to like, say your gambling, is that it is likely that your gambling thoughts are now unpleasant and make you feel bad.

Heavy and even moderate gamblers sometimes worry about their losses, think about the reasons they didn’t stop when they were in front, and worry about how much debt they owe and how to re-pay or how they will  pay their bills and even buy food.

Gambling tends to be all consuming.  Many gamblers find much of their time is spent planning the next time they will gamble, trying to work out where will they get more money to gamble and what excuses they need to tell at home or at work so they can go and gamble.

People dealing with worrying thoughts about their gambling might feel depressed, anxious and this emotional upset may even further fuel their need to gamble. (If you are having suicidal thoughts call Gambling Help 1800 858 858 or Lifeline immediately).

If problem gamblers fall into the trap of gambling again, unfortunately rather than recouping losses as they hoped, they end up losing even more money and the worrying thoughts start all over again – perhaps even worse.

Binge gambling can result in very heavy losses. This can happen when heavy drinking gets mixed in with the gambling or you are really desperate and lose control.

If you are going out, stick to some basic rules like only taking small amounts of cash with you and not taking ATM or credit cards. If you are going to drink, drink responsibly to avoid fuelling a gambling binge and the inevitable gambling hangover.

 Managing worrying thoughts on gambling

Sometimes gamblers think they have had enough of these worrying thoughts and try to stop them ‘head on’ only to find this actually makes them worse.

Let the thoughts be and focus on what you are actually doing when the thoughts strike. Distract yourself, call up a friend, start watching a movie, do some work about the house, focus on your work, perhaps make yourself lunch or dinner, go for a walk, head to the gym or meet up with friends to play a game or go for a run. Plan a list of things you can do and then when the gambling urge strikes, do something off that list

When battling gambling urges, you need to stay “present in the moment’. You need to do something physical as well as distract your mind so you do not feed the gambling cycle by worrying about past gambling or planning future gambling.

If you are aware that you are worrying about gambling and want to stop distract yourself by doing something you enjoy.

Some gamblers keep a diary of their thoughts and then when thinking clearly, sit down and try to question the accuracy of them.

Other people find that by allocating specific worrying time of around half an hour per day, that their worrying gambling thoughts do not intrude into other areas of their life such as their work and relationships.

Many people find meditation, yoga and relaxation very helpful in keeping their intrusive gambling thoughts under control. These kind of activities also help people sleep more restfully.

Remember by sometimes giving your worrying thoughts “a voice” (by talking to a trusted person’ a counsellor, doctor, good friend or family member) you can keep your gambling worries under control and work on staying away from gambling.

Need more information on managing your gambling problems? Call Gambling Help 1800 858 858 or talk to an online counsellor here www.gamblinghelponline.org.au or visit www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au for information and to find free Gambling Help services near you.

Take the first step now. Get some FREE, confidential, expert help, get your gambling under control and cut those gambling worries in half.

Quit Gambling For Good in 2012

So you’ve tried. Maybe you went without gambling for a week, maybe two. But then, like the time before, and maybe the time before that, you found yourself thinking about it.

The urge grew stronger and before you knew it you found yourself there again. The place you promised yourself, maybe even promised your partner and family, that you would never go..,

What ever your personal hell, you were there. Your hand was in your pocket, there was less money, and even more pain, guilt and regret than you ever thought possible. BUT IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE THIS WAY. REALLY.

Let’s get something straight. Quitting gambling isn’t easy. But if you’ve really looked at what gambling has cost you (and not just the money and possessions you may have sold, but friendships, your happiness and health) and have decided you don’t want that for yourself anymore, you can turn your life around. But it takes a real desire to change, time and hard work.

Research says that someone struggling with a gambling problem can think about gambling up to 80% of the time. That’s a lot of brain time being consumed with gambling thoughts.

For many people, this is why giving up gambling is so hard. Without changing those thought patterns and filling your time with other more meaningful activities or healthier interests, it’s easy to become bored, and the lure of gambling can pull you right back in again.

Everyone has slightly different ways of dealing with things. What works for you may not work for someone else and that is why it’s so important to develop a program with a professional gambling help counsellor that works for you and your needs. This help is free, confidential, and available to everyone. There is help available every day, every hour of the day. You can call 1800 858 858 right now and get started, or you can read on a bit more…

Problem gambling, also known as gambling addiction, or compulsive gambling, is a type of impulse-control disorder and getting on top of it needs expert help.

If you find it hard to control thoughts about gambling. If you can’t stop at the limit you set. If you can’t quit even though you know your gambling is hurting not only yourself but your family, friends and loved ones, it’s likely gambling has become a problem for you, an addiction that is out of control.

The reality for many problem gamblers is that unless they get some kind of professional help they will continue to be caught up in gambling and continue to suffer its affects.

The life of a compulsive gambler is hard.

Whether you’re up or down, broke or flush, happy or depressed, you will still be thinking about gambling and find it hard to control your behaviour.

The truth is, if you’re preoccupied with gambling, spending more and more time and money on it, chasing losses, or gambling despite serious consequences, you have a gambling problem.

For a minute lets say there was an accident and you broke your leg. What would you do?  Ignore it?  Tell your leg to fix itself? Live with the pain and lie to your family and friends and yourself  while trying to get around with a broken leg?

No?  So why would you treat a gambling problem any differently?

Having a problem with gambling can make you feel isolated, as though no-one understands what you’re going through. But the truth is you don’t have to do this alone.

There are many people and services ready and able to provide help and support whenever you’re ready to take action. They can help you to take steps to control your gambling and quit. For good.

Gambling is a game of chance. No matter what we want to think, the REALITY is that the odds are always stacked against you. If you’re thinking about making changes to your life in 2012 why not try these five tips to help you change your life for good and say goodbye to problem gambling forever.

Many problem gamblers say that once they’ve taken the first active steps to deal with their situation, they immediately feel much more positive and in control.

There are things you can do today that will help you take control of your gambling:

• Self-exclusion (banning yourself from venues including pubs, clubs , casino and TAB. It is a legal process and it works. Gambling Help counsellors can help you through the paper work and support you through the process)
• Keep a gambling diary. What you’ve done, what you haven’t, how you feel. You can keep track of what gambling REALLY costs and keep focussed on WHY you don’t want gambling in your life.
• Limit your access to money (cash and credit)
• Get a helper (a family member or friend and professional support)
• Sign up for Free SMS Reminders
• Get free stuff

Self-exclusion

If you live in NSW, you have the right to ask a pub or club to exclude you either from the whole venue or from certain areas within it. In the case of clubs, at the moment you will need to sign a separate document for each club you may visit, but that is soon to change.

Currently you can self-exclude from several hotels in one go. You can also ask the casino to exclude you and have yourself banned from TABs.

Your local gambling counsellor or Gambling Help can help you to complete this process.

To exclude yourself from online or mobile phone-based gambling, visit the GamBlock website onwww.gamblock.com. This is not a free service; charges can be up to $100US per year.

Keep a gambling diary

Many people find that they learn a lot about the things that make them spend too much on gambling by keeping a gambling diary. There’s one included in our workbook, which you can order or download via the Gambling Help website

Or you might prefer to simply jot down the details in a small notebook or use the notes function on your phone.

Each time you gamble, write down the day and date; the time; the place; who you were with; how much cash you were carrying and your net win or loss. It’s also important to make a note of why you were gambling: did your friends encourage you? Were you bored, angry or stressed?

By looking back at these details later, you will probably be able to see patterns that will give you an idea of what makes you want to gamble too much. You’ll also get an idea of how much time and money you’re losing to gambling.

Limit your access to money

If you decide to gamble, leave your ATM and credit cards at home, and only take with you an amount of cash that you can afford to lose. NEVER ‘chase your losses’, or try to win back money you’ve already lost. This is the way that gamblers most often end up in serious trouble. Once you’ve lost, or won, walk away.

You can also consider asking your bank to lower the daily withdrawal limit on your ATM card. Freezing  (fill a take-away or ice-cream container with water place your card in and freeze) or shredding your credit cards, or giving them to someone you trust can also help.

Get a helper

Pick someone in your life you trust and talk to them honestly about your gambling and the fact that you would like to get more control of that aspect of your life.

Ask them if you can ‘check in’ with them once a week, or as often as you need to, to talk over the steps you’re taking to change your life. Making positive changes can be difficult when you first start. Having someone there to cheer you on can be a big source of strength and encouragement.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know, call Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 it’s available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The person at the other end of the line has talked to hundreds of people just like you, and they understand exactly what you’re going through. You can call as many times as you like, it’s free from a landline and if you’re on a mobile they can call you back.

You can also arrange to speak to the same person each time, if you prefer.                            The gambling help website also has a list of people and organisations near you who can offer free help and support.

All Gambling Help services are free, including telephone, online counselling (via email or instant chat) and face-to-face treatment and support.

Sign up for Free SMS Reminders

Are you more likely to gamble on particular days or at particular times? If so, visit the website and subscribe to our SMS messages to help remind you of your decision to get your gambling under control.

The messages include facts about gambling, encouraging messages and information about help and support.

Get FREE stuff

Gambling Help offers free materials and information to help you understand gambling and get your gambling under control, books, DVDs, workbooks. Download from www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au or order so that materials are posted to you. Everything is free.

JUST DO IT

There is no try, only do.

Take action now, call Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 or go to www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au and make 2012 a year that counts.

What do you have to lose except a gambling problem that you really don’t want.

20 things/20 minutes – Surfing your way through change

Urge Surfing

Often we do things simply because we get the urge to do it. No thinking, we just want to, we just feel like it, so we do it. Sometimes this urge is so powerful that no matter what we think we just have to do it. Urges are what makes changing a behaviour a pretty hard thing to do. Also urges aren’t constant. The come in waves like the sea. So fighting an urge is like a soldier facing one battle after another. Like the sea hitting the shore in the end an urge can wear you down or crush you.

Urges come in waves and they also vary in intensity. If you resist an urge then eventually the intensity and duration of the wave decreases. If you stop a behaviour, eventually it becomes pretty hard to remember why you did it and the urge is gone. On the other hand feed the urge and its back next time just as intense and just as hungry. So hungry that you can’t beat it back with a stick.

A way to beat an urge is to treat it like the sea and surf it.

This is called “urge surfing” and how you do it is when you feel an urge, do something that you enjoy and that engages you for 20 minutes (the maximum time an urge lasts for). That’s right, watch a movie, read a book, doodle, walk, draw, work out, shop, have sex, anything just so long as it engages you and you enjoy it. So think about the things that give you joy (other than the thing you have the urge for, obviously) and write a list of at least 20 things that you can do for 20 minutes. A 20/20 list! Carry the list with you, stick it on your fridge or somewhere where you will see and read it every day …then review and update it regularly – keep what works and get rid of what doesn’t.

Make urge surfing a part of your plan to beat problem gambling and you will be on your way to a successful change. Another part of a successful plan is to get a good support team on your side, to help you on your list, review how things are going and help you put into place all the other steps that help make changing a behaviour you don’t want and don’t need a successful change. You can call Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 and they can give all the right contacts in your area.

Self Exclusion – The Facts

There is some debate around whether self exclusion is a sufficient tool for those with a gambling issue. So let’s look at the facts first.

The Facts:

Venues are required to offer a self-exclusion scheme to patrons, on request, and a venue cannot refuse a patrons request for self-exclusion. Any self-exclusion scheme ran by a venue must meet the requirements of the Gaming Machines Regulation.

The Venue must:

• Publicise the availability of the scheme and information on how it operates to patrons of the venue
• Prevent the venue from refusing a participants request
• Allow the participant to specify the part, or parts, of the venue from which they are to be excluded (the participant may choose to be excluded from the entire venue, or just the gaming machine areas or even a total gambling ban)
• Give the participant a written and signed undertaking that he or she will not be allowed to gamble at the venue for a period specified e.g. 6 months to 4 years, and this can be renewed at the end of the period
• Give the participant the opportunity to seek independent legal or other professional advice at his or her own expense as to the meaning and effect of the undertaking before it is given
• Give the participant written information outlining the name and contact details of the gambling-related counselling service the venue has entered into an arrangement with
• Ensure that responsible persons for the venue can readily identify the participant- by means of access to a recent photograph of the participant
• Prevent a participant from withdrawing from the scheme within three months after requesting participation in the scheme

Ok, so they are the facts, what about the process?

If you are looking to self-exclude you will go through a legal process and sign legal deeds stating that YOU will not enter the area of the venue YOU chose to exclude from. It is a promise you are make by YOURSELF to YOURSELF. You are not formally setting out to involve anyone else in this process. The onus is on you to keep your promise to yourself. You can self-exclude at the venue or go to a gambling counsellor.

What about the venues?

Well the venue will ask you to leave if, despite your promise to stay out you enter the gaming area (or area you specified). But the venue is under no legal obligation to help you, more to the point it is VOLUNTEERING to help you. The ability for the venue staff to immediately and accurately identify your whereabouts in the venue is open to human error, and, considering the size of some of the venues, this can be a difficult task! But most venues are vigilant about helping patrons stick with their decision to self-exclude and will ask you to leave if you are found in there. If you refuse to leave when asked the venue may physically escort you out. If you still refuse to leave the police may be called and you could be charge with ‘Failure to leave premises’ which attracts a $550 fine.

For most people that self-exclude, the fear of the embarrassment by being asked to leave is reason enough to not enter that gaming area, but for others the temptation to gamble is just too strong, and they will test the system time and time again. If this continues to happen the venue can elect to exclude you from the entire venue without your permission.

A new Multi Venue Self Exclusion tool is currently being rolled out across the state. This tool allows you to exclude from up to 25 venues in one easy step. This will make self-excluding easier for patrons.

But does it work??

In smaller venues self-exclusion works extremely well, everyone knows everyone and it is easier for staff to identify a self-excluded patron. This can be a little trickier in larger venues, but most are on the ball and will not let you enter once you have self-excluded.

But are we missing the point?

As stated earlier, self-exclusion is a promise you are making to yourself! YOU are responsible to not breech your promise. YOU are responsible for yourself! The venue and the self-exclusion are just there to make it a little easier.

A final note:

Self-exclusion is just one tool problem gamblers can use to help control their gambling. The most proven method to help problem gamblers is counselling. Combine the two….. And your chances of beating your problem increase tenfold. So why not give it a try?

Counsellor Sam

Is Gambling Getting to You?

Do you think about gambling 24/7?

There are many people who enjoy gambling, whether it’s trying your luck on a horse, playing poker online or spending a few dollars on a night out at the casino with friends. The majority of people who gamble don’t have a problem, but unfortunately there are others who completely lose control of their gambling and spend their every waking moment thinking about gambling or planning when they are going to gamble again.

Continually thinking about gambling tends to spiral and often leads to unpleasant thoughts. Heavy and even moderate gamblers sometimes worry about their losses and think about the reasons they didn’t stop when they were ahead.  They also worry about how to pay their bills and even buy food. People struggling to keep their gambling under control often spend money that is allocated for household expenses and other things on gambling in the hope that they will get a win.  Much of their time is spent planning the next time they will gamble, where they’ll get money from and what excuses they may need to tell family and friends or employers to enable them to spend time gambling.

Becoming preoccupied with gambling tends to make gamblers feel depressed, sometimes suicidal and anxious and may further fuel their need to gamble. Remember if you are having suicidal thoughts, call Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24hrs) to access support services and help immediately.

Unfortunately, rather than recouping losses as intended, many gamblers end up losing even more money and then the worrying thoughts start all over again. They are caught up in a cycle of chasing their losses and are never are able to come out on top.

Did you know the average Australian gambler spends $21,000 a year? That’s a third of the average annual wage. How much do you spend a year? This hard-earned money could have been spent on bills, a mortgage or taking the family away on a relaxing vacation or many other activities.

Problem gamblers are four times more likely to suffer from alcohol abuse.  Binge gambling, with very big losses, mostly happens when heavy drinking gets mixed in with gambling. If this is a problem for you, try to make some rules for yourself such as not taking money or credit cards with you when you go out drinking, or try not to drink when you gamble. If you try to drink sensibly you can perhaps avoid both a gambling hangover and the other kind.

Families can be affected if a spouse is a problem gambler. In many instances, heavy gambling leads to the loss of quality time spent together as a family.  This lost quality time can never be recovered and partners can become resentful when their partner is spending a lot of their time gambling either at a venue or preoccupied by online gambling.

Did you know that people with gambling problems are six times more likely than non-gamblers to get divorced? Whether you’re a partner, friend or relative, there are many sources of help and support for you as well as for those who have a gambling problem just click here.

The good news is that many people can control their compulsive gambling with therapy and working with a specialist to put strategies in place to overcome urges and better manage thoughts and behaviours.

Here are a few ways to manage worrying thoughts about gambling:

• Sometimes gamblers think they have had enough of these worrying thoughts and try to stop them ‘head on’ and by going ‘cold turkey’ trying to quit only to find this actually makes them worse.
• Try to just let the thoughts be, focus on what you are actually doing such as talking to your friend, watching a movie, working, eating, walking, exercising and so on. This means ‘staying present in the moment’ and not worrying about past gambling or planning future gambling.
• If you are aware that you are worrying about gambling and want to stop, try to distract yourself by doing something you enjoy, perhaps visiting a friend (away from the gambling venue) going to the gym, walking, running etc.
• Some gamblers keep a diary of their thoughts and then when thinking clearly, sit down and try to question the accuracy of them, questioning is it really easy to win or do you always win, whether they really are ahead etc.
• Some people find that by allocating specific worrying time (around half an hour per day), their worrying gambling thoughts do not intrude into other areas of their life such as their work and relationships.
• Some people find meditation, yoga and relaxation very effective techniques for coping with their intrusive gambling thoughts. This also helps with stress and enables them to sleep more restfully.

Remember by sometimes giving your worrying thoughts ‘a voice by talking to a trusted person’ (a counsellor, doctor, good friend, family member) you can feel better and gain effective longer term relief. Call Gambling Help 1800 858 858, click on this link to talk to an online counsellor or visit www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au to find information and strategies to tackle problem gambling.

Help! My Partner is a Gambling Addict!

My partner has a problem with gambling and I didn’t know and I’m devastated…

Gambling addictions are unlike any other addiction – there are no obvious physical signs, so people can more readily hide their gambling problem and it is common for problem gambling to go on for years, perhaps becoming a bigger problem, as time goes on.

Gamblers become skilful at hiding their addiction from their partner perhaps for fear of losing them. The early-warning signs of gambling addictions often go unrecognised until there are devastating consequences for the partner and/or family members. The secrecy and lying surrounding the gambling commonly causes the disclosure to be sudden, drastic and devastating and it is not unusual for the partner of a problem gambler to feel betrayed.

Some partners become extremely anxious as a result of this disclosure and continue to worry whether their partner is continuing to gamble, they may also become vigilant about finances and time-keeping i.e. needing to know where their partner is at any time of the day.  Many partners become dissatisfied with aspects of the relationship and may even decide to leave the relationship.

Partners of problem gamblers commonly withdraw from friends and family members as they also feel much shame – and their partner often does not want their gambling disclosed to friends or family which can add to the pressure and isolation partners feel as they have to decide whether to keep this secret or not.

For many partners, physical and mental health can become an issue as they become tired or exhausted or begin to feel a sense of helplessness or hopelessness. In some instances, partners may also feel depressed or suicidal, and the gambler may even blame them for their gambling adding stress and pressure to the situation.

For many partners, learning their partner has a gambling problem is traumatic – as they were completely unaware of the extent of the gambling, there is a sense that their world has been turned upside-down.

Some partners experience blame, humiliation, anger, resentment and breach of trust due to the secrecy and continual lying that commonly surrounds problem gambling. And even though they have done nothing wrong, many partners feel guilt and shame, they also constantly worry about their future.

The financial consequences of problem gambling can also be sudden and devastating for the partner or other family members. Many discover large extensions on mortgages, very high credit card debts, money owed to family and friends, or perhaps illegal debts. There may be many unpaid bills, an inability to pay bills or make ends meet.

These consequences are often life-changing for the partner. Sometimes entire assets are at risk including the family home and there may be additional worries if the gamblers has committed crimes to fund their gambling or lost their job.

As their sense of financial security is destroyed, many partners lose trust in their partner and the relationship can be threatened.

Some partners will try to take over the management of the money and determine the priority of payments. Often this causes more stress in their relationship with their gambling partner as they are now faced with dealing with lawyers, bankruptcy trustees and creditors.

As a result of taking over the financial affairs, communication between partners may also become impaired and the partner may also be at much greater risk domestic violence. Should this occur or if you fear that you are being threatened and need help immediately call the Police. Other services to assist include DoCS Domestic Violence Line (24/7) phone 1800 656 463 or TTY 1800671442, Domestic Violence Advocacy Service 02 8745 6999 or 1800 810 784 (TTY 1800 626 267 ) or contact the Domestic Violence Liaison Officer at your local police station.

Many partners also make changes to their life and make sacrifices that also impact of the lives of their children, perhaps returning to work earlier than planned, working more hours or sometimes two jobs as well as drawing on any savings of their own, borrowing from their family and cutting back on the family budget. How much do you spend on gambling?

Financial consequences for a partner are long-lasting and sometimes the partners or family members are unable to recover fully financially long after the gambling has stopped.

Partners/family members also feel responsible for the mental health and well being of the gambler as some may become depressed, anxious, have attempted suicide or sadly have successfully committed suicide.

It is important to take all threats of suicide seriously and call the police if you believe the threat is imminent, otherwise call Lifeline 13 11 14, Gambling Help 1800 858 858 or contact your local GP.

Family members and partners often feel isolated and are very welcome to access free help at gambling, financial and legal counselling centres. Call Gambling Help 1800 858 858 for information on gambling as well as referrals to gambling, financial and legal counsellors if required.

Partners may request individual or family gambling counselling when phoning Gambling Help.

Partners of gamblers sometimes attend gambling counselling for support and skills to help them cope with this situation and to rebuild their confidence.

Counselling also provides a safe place to work through how they are feeling about their relationship and to determine whether they will stay or leave the relationship. Through counselling partners can learn how to protect themselves from debts incurred by any future gambling by their partner.

Partners, friends and family members of gamblers, can also find information and support online. At Gambling Help Online you can begin live chat or email with a counsellor any time of the day, any day.

If you would like a copy of a very helpful booklet recently published by the Gambling Impact Society NSW Inc called ‘Problem Gambling A Self Help Guide for Families’ click here.

Or you can ask Gambling Help to send you a free copy.

This booklet  thoroughly explains problem gambling, its impacts, how to identify it, how to protect yourself, how to seek help and contains many personal stories that may help you understand problem gambling and the impacts it can have on family and friends.

To sum up partners are placed in very difficult and stressful situations by their gambling partners and it is important to seek help when feeling overwhelmed – call 1800 858 858 or go to www.gamblinghelponline.org.au for help and referral to free services near you.

The Pokies Play Tricks On My Mind

Mind Bending Pokies

In the week I had a message from JKS who is struggling with keeping gambling under control – in particular pokie machines. They talk about the tricks their mind plays and how they feel about telling lies to their family to cover up where they have been and where their money has gone.  Read JKS story below and my comments that might help JKS and others trying to keep themselves away from pokies.

JKS writes…

The problem with pokie machines is YOU THINK the next time you push that button, a feature will appear. I am 23 years old and I believe there are many factors why I gamble. Living expenses increase every year, so my mind would trick me into thinking IF I risk $100 of my pay, I could potentially get $200 back.

But the problem is, even if I did win $200, sometimes my mind would think MAYBE just maybe I can make it $300.

The fact is, when you are a gambler like myself, more often than not, it is NEVER enough, no matter how much you win. Winning is a thrill, living the moment, but you are not winning, in fact, when you’re losing you’d feel down, lonely and think no one in the world would understand what you’re going through.

I feel ashamed when I walk into a club by myself. When you see other people by themselves you know chances are they are addicted gambling as well.

I have recently been promoted. Part of the reason why I work so hard is that once I get a pay increase, I have more money to gamble with. I am also undergoing a Bachelor Degree, I have the most supportive family anyone could ask for, everything in my life seems so perfect BUT I have an addiction and no one knows about it.

I can’t justify to my partner where my pay goes every week. I started making up little white lies hoping he’d be stupid enough to believe me, but sooner or later he’ll see through me.

I lost $300 tonight, and I am DETERMINED to quit as of today. If I have the guts to post something like this in a public forum, I am willing to give it my best shot and I mean it. It may fail, but AT LEAST I am self-aware now, my mind will learn to make judgements for both pros and cons of gambling, whereas in the past I had been one-sided about gambling.

I SUGGEST ANYONE OUT THERE WITH A GAMBLING PROBLEM, THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU’D SAVE IF YOU DIDN’T GAMBLE. THINK ABOUT THE TIME YOU COULD HAVE USED TO DO MORE CONSTRUCTIVE THINGS. THINK ABOUT WHAT IF YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP LOSING. THINK ABOUT ALL THE LIES YOU’LL HAVE TO MAKE TO COVER YOUR TRACKS. AND FINALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT THE MACHINES WHEN THEY ARE DESIGNED TO TAKE YOUR MONEY.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU WALK INTO A CLUB AGAIN. LET’S ALL QUIT TOGETHER.

Congratulation JKS on realising that you are not going to win at gambling the longer that you gamble. Want to know how the pokies really work?  You may get tricked into believing that a miss is nothing more than a near-miss.

You can order the free DVD here.

Some people with gambling problems have told me that they watch it over and over again and that this helps them to take control of their gambling.

Well done on realising that if you have a win that it will not make up for what you have already spent on gambling.

I think it is important for you to acknowledge that your gambling may have started because you thought that it was an easy way to get money. Perhaps when you first started gambling you had a few wins which took the pressure of your rent payments and you began to falsely think “if I gamble I can get money”.

Unfortunately gambling may start for one reason but can continue for another reason. It sounds as if you have become more and more desperate and fallen into the pattern of chasing your losses – this is very common.

It is time to say to yourself “what is lost is lost and I can never get this back”.

As you say, winning may be ‘a thrill – living the moment’ but you raise the question of what really is a win?

How much do you really need to cover all your losses? What happens to the money that you actually win?

The longer that you gamble the more likely you are to lose more money. I wonder if it is really ‘a thrill – living the moment’ when you lose?

I have heard from other people with gambling problems that when they are losing (which ultimately long-term gamblers eventually do), they feel very alone and depressed, and that their last thought at night and their first thought the next day is about gambling.

JKS you say that no one will understand. A gambling counsellor is someone that you can talk to about the distress that you are going through and they understand gambling.

If you are feeling depressed and suicidal it is very important that you seek help immediately and tell those around you or contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 or see your GP.

Many people with gambling problems feel shame. They feel guilty as they have been continually lying to their partners, family members and friends about where they are and what they are doing. It sounds as if you feel sad for the other people you see who are gambling, as you know first-hand the affects of heavy gambling on yourself and those around you and that the people gambling near you appear to have no awareness of this.

JKS it seems that it is very important to change your motivation for hard work and study to something that will provide a reward for you in some other positive way – other then just to have more money to spend on gambling.

I wonder, perhaps if you were to think about other forms of entertainment or activities that you enjoy or holidays that you may wish to go on, or purchases that you would like to save for, could this keep you motivated and take your focus?

It sounds important to try to get real meaning back into your money so that you do not just see it as ‘money means gambling’. What else could money mean for you?

I believe that you are putting tremendous efforts into your study and work achievements, and I wonder if these are endeavours that you happily share with your partner and family as you are very proud of what you have achieved and how hard you are working.

On the other hand, it sounds like you are also putting a lot of effort into your gambling but that this time and effort does not have the same positive results as your study and work.

I suspect you would not feel proud telling your partner or your family about any of your wins at gambling.

JKS, the first step in breaking the cycle of chasing your losses is to be honest about your gambling and to seek help. Please contact Gambling Help on 1800 8585 858. Gambling Help will be able to assist you with some immediate strategies and can refer you to a gambling and/or a financial counsellor if you would like this – and it’s all free.

Sometimes attending counselling can provide more insight into your gambling and assist you with implementing strategies to stop gambling. Clicking on the link to talk immediately to an online gambling counsellor may be another option.

It is fantastic that you have posted this message about ‘thinking’ for anyone who has a gambling problem to consider – it’s a great message:

Think about how much you’d save if you didn’t gamble.

Think about the time you could have used to do more constructive things. Think about what will happen if you keep gambling and keep losing,

Think about all the lies you’ll have to make to cover your tracks.

Finally think about what makes you think you can beat the machines when they are designed to take your money.

Just think about it before you walk into a club again.

Let’s all quit together.

It’s really great JKS that you sound very determined to stop gambling. In stopping gambling the next step is to take action and put in place strategies to protect yourself from gambling such as only carrying the money that you need, not carrying ATM/credit cards, lowering your daily ATM withdrawal limits and not borrowing money from friends and so on.

It may help you to work out an action plan for what you can do if you have an urge to gamble such as reading, listening to music, walking, calling a friend, going to the gym and so on.

It may also help to be mindful about where you are going and what you are doing. It may help to set up direct debits for accounts that need to be paid. A financial counsellor can assist you with this should you need this.

JKS do you have anyone that you can trust who could be your support person? Would you consider asking your partner or one of your supportive family members at this stage?

If you click on this link you will have access to a very helpful gambling workbook with more strategies and explanations about gambling.  You can also order this book for free from the gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au site.

Some people who want to stop gambling find it helpful to sign up for free SMS message reminders at the times that they are most likely to gamble.

‘Self Exclusion’ from gambling venues maybe another option that you may want to discuss with counsellors at Gambling Help 1800 858 858.

JKS, once you have implemented strategies to stop gambling they will eventually become routine and if you decide to hand your money to a trusted support person, this can later be re-negotiated when you feel that gambling is no longer a problem for you.

I wish you all the very best JKS.

Counsellor Sam

Ask Counsellor Sam

Ask Counsellor Sam

You might be wondering how to approach a friend and ask them if they have a problem with gambling? You could be thinking about calling Gambling Help but you aren’t sure what will happen.  Whatever you want to know, or want help with, this is the place for any question you have about gambling.  Check out some of the questions Sam’s helped with so far…Do you have a question about gambling?

Counsellor Sam, I realise finally that I am addicted to pokies. I should know better as I work in a club and see it every day, I have been playing pokies after work and on my days off but today I want to be the start of stopping like I did when I stopped smoking cold turkey! If I just think of all the money wasted I could have had a beautiful overseas holiday. NO MORE BLAMING MY HUSBAND FOR BEING AN ALCOHOLIC DRINKING OUR MONEY AWAY!!!!! BEING LONELY!!!BEING OVERWEIGHT!!!NO THIS IS THE DAY!!! NO MORE POKIES!!!!NO MORE KENO!!! A start of a new life happier and more money in the pocket no more hiding PLEASE GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH!!! Mazza

Your enthusiasm is infectious, Mazza! Please contact Gambling Help on 1800858 858 and see a face to face counsellor. It is a confidential service and remember, “god helps those who help themselves”. So, take this step and plan your journey towards abstinence constructively rather than merely thinking that just stopping the expenditure will do it for you. Remember you need to experience success in whatever you plan. As human beings, we get swayed by such experiences so it is important to achieve somesuccesses. If your plan is structured and you have a counsellor with you for support, there is a greater likelihood of success.Gambling is a complex issue, more complex if smoking, alcohol & other things are included. I wish you every success in making this your year. Go for it Mazza..

Take care, Counsellor Sam.

***********************

Hi Counsellor Sam, I had a gambling hangover when I went to Adelaide recently. Donked off $600 playing Poker :’( David

David, how sad that you blew $600 in one go on poker. Hope this didn’t affect the rest of your time in Adelaide. Quite often when people lose they become desperate to try to win back what they have lostand instead of accepting that what is gone is gone, they spend more and more money in a vain attempt to win back their original loss.

For more advice check out www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au site for ideas on managing your gambling and putting controls in place. Always set a limit, take in only a small amount of cash – no cards – and only what you are prepared to lose. With some simple strategies in place you can keep gambling under control.

***********************

Hello Counsellor Sam,

In the last 2 months I have blown $10000+ on the pokies. Even when I was up I’d keep playing till I had nothing left. I was trapped by these machines, I’d started taking my partner’s card and using her wages to play and then tell her a lie to cover it up. In the end I was telling one lie to cover another. I’d lie to my family as well to get money to play. The kick in the head I needed finally arrived when my partner (who I intended to ask to marry me) finally had enough and ended it. I never realised how much damage that it had done. I finally opened up and told my family and loved ones the truth about all of the gambling. I now am in touch with counsellors and they are helping me greatly. It’s only been a week but I haven’t had the urge to play. I know I can kick the habit with help and so can you. THE POKIES ARE KILLERS. STAY AWAY FROM THEM!! Hopefully I can regain the trust of friends, family, loved ones by showing that I can beat the addiction. From sadness there is a positive, by realising that I had a serious problem and doing something to rectify it and get my life back to normal. I CAN DO IT !!! Ang.

Hello Ang, Good on you for doing the right thing and making a conscious decision to address your issues! It is important that you are getting help so please keep up with your appointments. Feeling a sense of achievement and doing well with initial appointments is quite normal, the challenge is to keep at it and be absolutely transparent in your sessions with your counsellor.Yes, you can do it and your counsellor can help, but you need to maintain honesty – especially if it gets tough and you begin to feel some of the old temptations. You have a very positive attitude which will help you a lot. Please keep us informed of your progress – all the best, Counsellor Sam

***********************

Help me Counsellor Sam…They suck you in. It’s all a big scam…That much revenue everyday going to the pubs, clubs and govt. They are all in it together, and we are the suckers who fall for it. They call playing pokies a recreation.

What about the stories they don’t know about like mine and yours. Over $1,000,000 I have pumped through those machines over a 10 year period. Who is gonna save me now? Oh yeah some politicians are fighting to reduce limits. FIGHTING, why are they fighting, remember it’s only a recreation. BULLSHIT, IT’S A BIG SCAM. In 3 hours I put $10,000 in a machine, it took me almost 2 months to make it. RECREATION MY ARSE.

I went to QLD 2 years ago. Went to Jupiter’s Casino, pulled a $1000 from ATM, machines there only accept $20 bills and lock after you pump $100 into them. In 3 hours I blew $400, got the shits and left. NSW GREEDY SCAMMING BASTARDS. My wife is ready to divorce me, my mind is going crazy about the cash I’ve blown, could’ve had my dream home paid off in full, now still living in rent. Oh the pubs are spending $5 million on renovations so we can smoke while we blow our cash.

GET REAL, FIX THE PROBLEM NOW, GET RID OF POKIES, KEEP THEM AT THE CASINOS. THERE IS A GAMING ROOM EVERY 1.5KMS. DO IT FOR MY KIDS SAKE PLEASE. Mike.

Mike…you seem to think that the government and “others” are responsible for your problems. Unfortunately the fact is that you have the choice to be sensible around your gambling. For your sake and for the sake of your kids, please contact Gambling Help for assistance.

It is a confidential environment where you get to address your issues with a psychologist/counsellor.Trust me, this can be your best New Years gift to yourself and your family. Counsellor Sam.

***********************

Hi Counsellor Sam, my story is, I started gambling around 15 years ago. Only an odd 20 or 30 in a pokie. Then I started betting on sports, I’d deposit half my wage in these accounts, yeah I had the odd win but many more losses. I found I couldn’t get my hands on enough money, I then defrauded Centrelink, now I have to go to court as I have been charged. I owe them $23,000 and yes most of it was gambled. Gambling became a way of life for me, when internet gambling sites appeared I had an account with every single one, didn’t pay my bills and was forced to go bankrupt. I now am going to court and maybe even jail, and it’s only now that I have stopped. I am using all that money to pay back my debts to the government. I never ever thought I was addicted but now I know I was. What can I do? Lisa.

Lisa…You have had a rough ride with your problem. It is good that you have made up your mind that you DO have a problem. I suggest you contact Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 and find out which service is closest to you and look at some face to face counseling that will help you with financial repayments and controlling your gambling. In addition to helping with your problem, showing the courts and government agencies that you have come to terms with your problem and are getting help can help with these situations too. I hope you see a specialist counsellor soon and really take charge of your life.You can make some positive changes. All the best! Counsellor Sam.

***********************

Counsellor Sam I want to share my story with you. I have been gambling since I was 20 and now I am 31. I have just stopped gambling not so long ago. I have lost all my savings. I have been working for13 years but because I have been gambling all that money I earned and saved is all gone. Now I have nothing. Plus I have taken $33,000 from my family without telling them. They knew about it later on and were very very upset but lucky they gave me another chance and have told me to repay it ASAP.

I have a really really nice girlfriend that really loves me and now she is feeling stressed and unhappy with me and with my gambling. She almost broke up with me twice but I am lucky it didn’t happen but I am really scared she will leave me one day. With all that money I put in the pokies I would have been able to take my girlfriend on a good holiday and give her nice presents, and do lots of fun stuff together. I wish I didn’t gamble in the first place and that I used that money for something useful. I am very sad, stressedand feeling sick and feel like crap.

This is a tip for everyone: if you never gambled before then keep it that way. If people you know gamble and ask you to come along and play and say to you “oh just put in $10 to $20 and we walk out when it’s gone” say NO No No. Don’t gamble. A lot of problem gamblers started off playing for fun or just playing small at first but later the big problems start. I am a good example. I have been working for 13 years gambling from 20 to 31 and not only have I lost all my savings, I owe my family $33K, and I almost lost my girlfriend who I really love. I don’t know what is happening, maybe she will leave me later on. I am really scared and worried, lets hope I am wrong and I am able to spend the rest of my life with her. So if there is anyone out there who feels like they want to gamble orfeels they can’t control themselves you can look at my story and I am hoping this can help you. Call the 1800-858-858 number if you need any advice and they will give you numbers to call for free face to face gambling counsellors. All the best to everyone and remember don’t gamble. Ken

Hi Ken I really hope you have done what you have suggested others do. Have you contacted the GH line?  It worries me that you are stressed and scared. You do not sound very good and I wonder howwell you are managing your stress? There are so many issues you need to address, please contact the GH line on 1800 858 858 to see a face to face counsellor today. Today is the day Ken. You have struggled with gambling for years, please make this the year you take control and make positive changes.I hope you know it is a confidential service and all referrals counsellors make are also free. Counsellor Sam

***********************

Counsellor Sam….I have lost, sold, stolen and committed fraud in the past to feed this habit, and once again have come close to losing everything I own. I have hurt my family and friends. I have low self-esteem, I can’t afford a haircut, am overweight, look like a dag and live day in and out in the few t-shirts and pants I have, and I own one pair of shoes, due to my gambling. I am behind in rent and am facing eviction, owe $25,000 to my family and have many unpaid bills.

I lost $2,000 in my last binge 3 days ago, which leaves no food money or money for work, smokes, etc.. I am totally fed up to the back teeth with this problem, and am ready to quit. I have been to see a counsellor over the last month or so, and I think I am finally ready to get this monkey off my back once and for all. Gambling is an insidious addiction, that became my focus in life, but it has now become my enemy and I despise it and myself, and want my life back. I have a tough few years ahead of me paying back what I owe, but have come to realise that I’m not going to win this money to pay off bills and family, only hard work and quitting gambling is going to do it. I have done many shameful things to feed this addiction, and am saddened by the fact that now at 42 years of age I have started to come to my senses.

I wish I had given up years ago, and given my family the lifestyle that they deserve. It’s a hard battle but I feel this time I have finally hit rock bottom, and the only way to deal with this is to pick myself up, dust myself off and just get on with it. I am lucky! I have a supportive family, great job and my health. Good luck to anyone who is dealing with this addiction, I wish you well and encourage you to get help A.S.A.P. Don’t waste years hoping for the big win! It ain’t gonna happen.

Take it from me. I am not one who feels comfortable attending G.A as I have in the past, however I know that I can’t and won’t be able to do it alone, so I will continue seeing my counsellor from life line, and having been gambling free for the last 9 days, feel that this time I have the chance to beat this problem.

I feel so tired of my life as a gambler, and counselling has helped, along with this feeling deep inside of me, that I have had enough of the poverty, lies, cheating and low self-esteem, that goes hand in hand with this disease. I hope you can help me, Kim.

Hi Kim. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Good on you for making the
decision to quit gambling and get back in control of your life. And well
done on being gambling free for the past few days – that’s great!

When I read your story, many of the clients I have seen came to mind. The
shame, guilt, lies, cheating and low self-esteem that you speak of, are very
common experiences for many gamblers. You can turn this around. Even after a
few weeks or months of not gambling, many people are pleasantly surprised by
how much “freer” they feel, how much more control they have in their life,
how much better they feel about themselves.

There will be hard days, but there will also be more and more good days as you go along. You’re right, it may take some years to repay the money you owe. But in doing so, you will rebuild your self-esteem and pride by taking responsibility for your actions and addressing these issues head on.

It’s wonderful to hear you have support behind you, and a real willingness
for things to be better for both you and your family. You can definitely do
this!!

Feel free to utilise any of the Gambling Help resources as you work
through this – visit www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au for great tips and info.
All the best! Sam

***********************

I’m sitting here reading all these stories about addiction to the poker machines and I relate to everything that is being said. The big losses, the constant financial worries, the loneliness, the big wins that make it even worse. How many times have I won over $1000 and thought this is it, it’s time to stop and use that cash to recover, and how many times have I failed, and ended up losing twice, or three times that amount. Stopping cold turkey has been impossible for me, but I have already cut up all my credit cards and limiting my access to cash. I think convenience, and easy access to money is one major factor that contributes to this hellish life, I’m hoping I can make it through this… Matt.

Matt…Cutting up your credit cards is a good start, but the true reason why someone continues to gamble is because they think they can beat the machines and know how to do it.

Matt, it is really important that you get some expert help and support to control your gambling. You can contact Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 and find out the closest service to you.  You will have a greater chance of success if you approach your issues in a structured manner.  You have already started on some good work but cutting up cards and identifying that access to funds is just the beginning. You will be amazed by how much you can learn when you attend a counseling session. Many people make half-hearted attempts to give up gambling on their own and sadly repeatedly fail.  With help, you can be in control and really address your  issues. You can make the choice not to gamble. All the best! Counsellor Sam.

***********************

I started gambling when I was 18. My journey has been one of a physical kind as I have been trying to get back all of the money I have lost over the years into the pokies. Roulette – all I can say is when you put $7,000 on red, it’s going to come up on either black or zero, so no matter how hard you try, or how smart you think your system is, it isn’t. Einstein couldn’t figure out a way to beat roulette, so what chance have you got? The smartest way to get out of your addiction is as follows:

When you go out withdraw $10 and give your mate your card. Tell them not to give it back to you under any circumstances that night. Then go have a good time, maybe with a bottle of wine. Haters gonna hate. Frank.

Frank…I am not sure that Einstein was a gambler, but either way I think that the smart money is on counselling sessions. Counselling will help you address all your issues around gambling and get back in control. Gambling is a complex problem best approached in an appropriate manner with professional assistance. While friends can be supportive and help you resist gambling urges most of the time there are more issues at play and to really control your gambling you need to understand those. Counsellor sam.

***********************

Brad’s Story

I'm the unluckiest gambler

I recently received this email from Brad who wanted to share his story with me.

I’m only 18, and gambling is starting to ruin my life.. I dont play pokie machines because I know the chances of winning. I love sport betting. I work really hard for my job and money. I have nothing and I’ve earned about $8,000 in the last 4 months. I just recently lost $2000 this weekend. I always get my bets 95% right, and there’s usually one upset. I just cant work it out. What I’m doing wrong.. I just keep chasing all the time. In the footy last week, it came down storm to beat warriors for a few thousand and they lost. They should of smashed them. I’m one of the most unluckiest gamblers you’ll ever see. I wanna stop, but I cant. If I put $100 on red, black comes out, $100 on odd, zero comes out. Its all luck and chance, but I dont have any. I’m sick of the upsets, its always one game. I’m not sure what I’ve lost in total, but I’m starting to lose alot of respect off my mates, and its hitting me deep. I need help, otherwise I know my next paycheck is going towards a sports multi or the horses and greys. All I want is to win that big one that gets me near back to even and I’ll quit. I know its coming, but how many years? I cant keep throwing my money away. I’m a dissapointment to myself and my friends and family.

It is very rare for an 18 year old to admit that gambling has become a problem. What is common is for an 18 year old to have a problem and deny it for another 5-10 years while the problem becomes worse. It takes a lot of guts to reach out and get help and that deserves respect – good one.  Recognising you need help also shows that you have real strength and that is a good sign that you can turn this around.

Brad, it’s important you look at gambling for what it is. You are not the unluckiest person in the world and the losses do not reflect who you are as a person, so don’t let them dictate that.

Gambling is about chance and it’s usually a very small chance that we will win.

You might not believe me when I say this, but you will be waiting your whole life for that big win that gets you even.

Imagine dedicating your whole life to chasing that one big win. Think of all of the experiences you will miss out on…

Do you know why it will take a whole life time? Because when you get that big win you will feel really lucky and slowly lose it all in subsequent bets.

Think about that for a sec.

I’ve spoken to heaps of young guys in similar situations to you, and they’ve all told me the same thing. They lose hundreds of thousands of dollars chasing that “big win” only to lose it all and more because they can’t stop even if they get it. If we do happen to win, it is really common for our minds start playing with us…our brain kind of goes off on its own coming up with really unhelpful thoughts like “If I double this I’ll recover all my losses and have money left over to buy…” or “I’m on a roll! I can’t stop now or I’ll never get this chance again”, but it’s more likely that we lose.

Gambling is all about chance. There are not lucky or unlucky people. When you hear about other people’s big wins it only sounds good because they haven’t told you about all the money they lost to get it.

Think about it, would you tell people about how much you lost or how much you won?

Brad, even if a game seems like a sure thing, it is rare that you would get it right 100% of the time.

There are so many variables – a  player may get injured during the match, it might start raining, people might be having an off day; you never know what is going to happen.

Another thing to think about is if you are getting 95% of your bets right then how come you are losing so much money?

Is the one time that you are losing a much bigger bet then your normal bets, or is it because you are actually losing more than you remember?

A really common trick for our brains to play on us is to cover up the times that we lose (who wants to remember those?)

Our minds celebrate the wins and easily discard the losses.

If you continue to bet in the coming weeks then it may help to record EVERY SINGLE bet, whether you win or lose, and total up how much you won and lost.

This is an easy way to see for yourself how much you are actually losing.

Brad, it sounds like the respect of your mates is an important thing to you, so try writing down a list of ways in which you can regain their respect and work on it as a to-do list. It might be something as simple as spending more time with them, or going out and not gambling. I know that if I saw a mate who was struggling taking measures to bounce back I’d be willing to help them out – and I’d reckon most of your mates will too. It takes time though.You can’t just buy back their respect. You’ll have to earn their trust and respect, but if you’re determined to change things for the better, this is a good place to start..

As a short-term solution, here are some things you can try when you get your next pay:

- immediately pay any bills, rent etc and buy food and neccessities for the pay period

- only take out the money that you need for what you are doing and leave your cards at home (or better yet leave them with someone you trust who will not be afraid to say no when you ask for them)

- if you go to the TAB (or wherever you go) after work on pay day, then plan another route home so you can avoid it

- do something else that you enjoy when a game is on.

It takes time to get things back to normal, but I think that you’ve made a great start. You’ve recognised there is a problem and you’ve decided to do something about it and that shows a lot of courage.

If you feel up for it, a face-to-face gambling counsellor might be a good next step.

These services are free and there is no time limit so you can use the service for as long or short as you need. Gambling counsellors are there to guide you through the process of doing something about your gambling (whether it’s stopping or cutting back, the choice is yours).

Gambling counsellors understand gambling and they can offer support and a lot of practical strategies to get you to where you want to be.

You can find the nearest counsellor by visiting http://www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au/GamblingHelp/HelpNearYou/Search.aspx or contacting Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 (free from a landline and it’s a 24/7 service so you can call anytime).

If you think that you are not up for seeing somebody in person, you can always talk to the experts on the 1800 858 858 number (free and confidential) or try www.gamblinghelponline.org.au where you can email or instant message with a counsellor. Of course you can continue to contact me for any specific questions you might have.

It can be a bit confronting talking to a counsellor if you are not used to it, but having a regular appointment with someone you can trust can really help – and a lot of people have been able to take control of their gambling with help and support.

What ever you decide to do, it’d be great to hear from you again, and if there’s anything else you need to know please just ask.

Regards, Sam

How to Stop Gambling

I have a problem with gambling. I want to stop gambling but don’t know where to start.

For anyone who thinks they have a problem with gambling, an important place to start is being honest.

A cycle of problem gambling can be broken, and it starts with the person with the gambling problem being honest about their gambling – admitting that problem gambling is affecting their life.

Problem gamblers are often caught up in a series of lies, not only to other people, but to themselves.

People troubled by problem gambling often lie so that they can get more money to gamble and have more time to gamble. They commonly lie about where they are going and what they are doing, where they are and who they are with. Problem gamblers often lie about what they need money for, how long they have been at the gambling venue, when they are coming home, and so on.

Someone with a gambling problem commonly lies to themselves, telling themselves that this time they will win and they will “get back” the money that they have lost. Some gamblers also dream about sharing their big wins with their friends and family. They keep telling themselves they’ll pay back any money they have borrowed (or stolen), but in reality a big win is unlikely and they usually put most of their winnings back into gambling. Problem gamblers keep chasing their losses, and the lies start again.

Many people with gambling problems believe they can keep their problem secret and often lie to family and friends to hide the extent of their problems. Usually, the constant lying tends to make the person with the gambling problem feel bad about themselves and they commonly become more isolated and alone. They no longer attend activities with their family and friends and often withdraw from everyone – especially those they owe money.

A person with a gambling problem can often be in denial about how problem gambling is affecting their relationships, work performance and health, and an honest look at these areas can be the start of turning around a gambling problem.

Start by asking questions and answer them honestly. When you lose money gambling do you feel anxious and depressed? Do you worry when you don’t have money to pay bills? Is your physical health suffering, maybe headaches, heart burn, indigestion or sleep problems?

Once a person with a gambling problem tries to be honest with themselves and those who are close to them about the effect problem gambling is having on their life, stopping or controlling their problem gambling will often take a different turn.

How to turn around a gambling problem and make positive changes

Anyone with a gambling problem needs to put in place some type of strategy to prevent their money from going to straight to gambling.

For many people with problem gambling, money has lost all meaning. They tend to place bets for large sums of money no longer realising the value of the amount they are risking. They no longer save money to buy things like they did in the past, and often don’t use money for anything other than gambling or think about what money can buy other than gambling.

Many of the best money managing strategies are simple:

• Carry only small amounts of cash and leave credit and ATM cards at home, perhaps with someone you trust.
• Lower daily ATM withdrawal limits
• Set up payments so that only a small amount of money is put into an account with ATM card access each week and manage salary deposits so the bulk of your money goes into an account with no ATM-card access.
• Set up automatic bill paying or direct debits to make rent/mortgage and bill payments on pay day or ensure money is deposited into separate accounts (with only passbook access).

With the support of those around them, the person with a problem gambling may decide to seek professional help.

Specialist gambling counsellors are in most areas and free counselling services can be found by searching help near you on www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au.

You can also speak with a counsellor by calling Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 or chat online with a gambling counsellor http://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au.

Alternatively, you might prefer to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Sometimes people who are problem gamblers also need financial help as many find it difficult to cope with debts.

Financial counsellors can help the person with problem gambling by providing helpful ways to manage money. They can also negotiate with creditors and assist with debt management. Financial counsellors can found by calling 1800 858 858 and the Credit and Debt Hotline 1800 808 488 can also provide assistance.

Problem gamblers sometimes need legal help, especially for debt or crimes committed to support gambling addiction. Gambling Help 1800 858 858 can also direct people to free legal advice. Legal help can also be found by calling the Law Access Line 1300 888 529 or 1300 889 529 TTY.

It is important to remember that those who are close to someone with a gambling problem are often relieved to be told the truth and asked to help by supporting the problem gambler as they seek specialist help.

Tools to help

By clicking on this link and answering the questions about gambling honestly http://www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au/GamblingHelp/GamblingCalculator.aspx you can see how much money you are actually spending each year on gambling, and assess whether that is causing financial problems.

Keeping a Gambling Diary may help a person with a gambling problem take control of their gambling and understand it. Click on this link to download a gambling diary or to have it sent to you http://www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au/GamblingHelp/workbook.aspx

A person with problem gambling can now begin to think about the reason that they gamble e.g. to win money, for entertainment or excitement, to escape, numb out pain, socialise, boredom, and loneliness and so on.

The next step is to come up with other healthy ways and activities to fill their needs, ways to get the same feeling without resorting to gambling. The person with the problem gambling may also need to distance themselves from their old gambling friends and find new friends.

Once having examined their motivation to gamble the person with the gambling problem can now more readily decide whether they want to stop or control their gambling.

If the person with the problem gambling decides that they want to stop gambling they may wish to consider Self Exclusion. They will be able to exclude themselves from clubs, casinos, pubs, TAB and online betting. Click on this link for more information http://www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au/content/take-action.aspx

If they decide to control their gambling, it may be necessary to change some aspects of their thinking. Most importantly the person with gambling problem should now be expecting to lose money, be able to set a budget and stick to it, and never chase their losses.

If the person with the problem, gambles heavily on the poker machine clicking on this link to watch a DVD about the myths and truths of poker machines may help

http://www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au/content/how-do-pokies-really-work.aspx

Finally, being mindful and honest about where the person with the problem gambling is going, what they are doing and their real intentions are may also help.

Remember specialist, confidential free help is available, call 1800 858 858 or click help near you www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au

Women and Gambling

Hi All

I have just read Catherine, Rosa and Caroline’s stories again and it prompted me to think about how many other women are out there trying to gamble away their sadness, grief, losses, horrible memories, anger, frustration and loneliness?

I hear from lots of people about their gambling, and as with Catherine, Rosa and Caroline I hear the pain in their story, sense the anger they have at themselves and their disappointment and frustration.

For many people, gambling brings about a great deal of sadness. There is regret for the lies and the secrecy and a sense of powerlessness over gambling.

Based on the many hundreds of stories I have heard over the years, I know that gambling, and in particular poker machines, and women can be a lethal mix.

Many gambling venues are very attractive to women – and they are designed that way. I hear from women about how they can walk into some venues alone and be greeted warmly by the friendly familiar staff and feel a sense of belonging.

While many women hate themselves for going to the venue again, knowing they will gamble money they know they can’t afford, they still have the thought that this time they might win. This time it might be different. Many people try and rationalize their gambling, telling themselves that somebody has to win and this time it might be them. But it usually isn’t and often problems become worse.

We know that long-term players do not win on pokies, yet many of us struggle to stop playing or to keep our playing at affordable levels. We also see people gambling more, and more women gambling. The question is why?

Something to consider is why we are attracted to gambling? On some levels it is simple – going to a club or pub or casino to gamble allows us to escape, to zone out, even if it’s just for a very short time.

We enter another world and stop thinking about our sadness. We forget our grief, our losses, work, or lack of work, relationships or lack of relationships and loneliness. We forget past traumas, health issues, past loves, our children (who might be driving us insane or our parents who might be). We escape our care-giving roles, and life in general. While we know gambling isn’t really helping us, and for some is causing even more problems, we find ourselves there in front of the machine. Then new worries set in.

When we struggle with gambling related problems, we are scared of what is happening and who to trust. We worry about what will people think. We think awful things about ourselves “I’m so weak”, “I gambled again, I’m so stupid”. It’s also common to get caught up in keeping it secret. “I can’t tell anyone”, “It’s so much money, what do I do?”

All I can say to you is let someone help.

Gambling Counsellors understand you and what it’s like. Some of us have had personal experiences with gambling.

My mum lost my dad, her husband of 30 years and the only man she had ever been with and loved. The local club became the perfect place for her – a wealthy, lonely widow, looking to escape.  My mum gambled everything away and now lives in a caravan. She now says she really didn’t want the money as it kept reminding her that her husband was dead. She says she kept playing and playing to escape. The sad thing was she kept it hidden, no one knew and no one told us. She was another sad, lonely, grieving person going unchecked.

Most of my clients are women and many have experienced either trauma, abandonment or abuse and nearly all report to be suffering from depression and anxiety.

For a lot of people, gambling is a coping or survival strategy that helps them deal with psychological, physical and emotional pain (Boughton 2003).

Many of my clients are now in prison. All of them state they were abused either physically, emotionally or financially and some are now serving six years for gambling-related crimes.

When they were gambling they were too ashamed to talk to anyone and didn’t seek help. For many it’s only now through their counselling sessions in prison that they understand why and how their gambling evolved.

I often wonder how many other women are out there trying to gamble away their sadness, grief, losses, horrible memories, anger, frustration and loneliness, and I wish that I had a magic wand to take away the pain and stop the gambling.

Sadly there is no magic wand, but we know gambling is often a symptom of what’s really happening and we can work with that. Often we find the problems we are trying to escape by gambling bubbling along underneath, possibly in your subconscious. Sometime we know what they are but find it too painful and or shameful to address.

Sometimes gambling serves a purpose, it’s a way of coping with a situation or surviving trauma but many people have found the courage to say “I want life to be different. Gambling isn’t working for me anymore.” and they have found help to change their gambling and address some of the other problems in their life.

Just like Rosa, Caroline and Catherine these people have great courage.

I sincerely hope everyone who reads the stories, who perhaps relate to the stories being shared or know someone who gambles, will be encouraged to support them to seek counselling.  Sharing a story and telling someone you have a problem can be the start of something really good.

Is it time you told the truth about your gambling and maybe started to reshape your life into what you want it to be?

Counsellor Sam

The World’s Most Notorious Gambler

Nick the Greek

‘Nick the Greek’, the world’s most notorious gambler is perhaps one of the most well known examples of a person with problem gambling desperately chasing his losses – a sure way to cause yourself more harm and potentially get into even more debt.

Nick’s game was poker and he had a “career” in the game spanning 60 years, Nick won and lost more money than most of us could earn in a lifetime.

At one stage Nick was down $500 million, but he still found the excitement of gambling hard to resist. He falsely believed he could still win it back, he still needed the action, continued to chase his losses and lost more.

Desperately wanting to gamble more even when faced with such huge losses, clearly Nick’s case illustrates the powerful hold gambling can have over people.

Perhaps to begin with Nick had a good time with his poker mates? But as the losses continued, I wonder whether poker was so much fun and how many of his poker mates were his real friends?

‘Nick the Greek’ continued to gamble even when he was ‘broke’. He continued to play poker with just $5 and justified this by telling himself “it’s still action isn’t it?”

Is it possible that he felt ‘action’ only when he won? Something to consider is that gambling places stress on the body – emotionally and physically – it starts a chemical process in the brain where “winning” makes you feel ‘good’ and “losing” causes you to feel ‘bad’. Many gamblers talk about the highs and lows and how they became more desperate to win back all they had lost. Often it isn’t just the money, gamblers commonly see the next big win as the cure for family problems and relationship difficulties.

I wonder what else ‘Nick the Greek’ could have done with his $500 million? What other ways could he have spent the money to give him more enjoyment! When he was gambling did he ever think his retirement would be one marked by poverty?

Nick still tells himself he’s getting some action. Does he mean that this is the only way he has to relieve his boredom? Perhaps having distanced himself from his family and friends after years of gambling, gambling is all he has?

Perhaps he still finds the gambling entertaining, even though he is gambling at a ‘safe’ level? If the latter is true does it mean that anyone with heavy spending on problem gambling could implement ‘controlled’ gambling to minimize the harm to themselves and those around them?

If you practiced safe gambling, would you still feel the same way as ‘Nick the Greek’ and believe some action was better than none? Would it satisfy the urge and reduce the likelihood of causing greater harm?

Controlled gambling involves deciding on a limit and sticking to. It is sometimes difficult for people who are heavy gamblers to implement controlled gambling, but for some people it can get them back on track.

If you’d like to start controlled gambling, remember there is help available. Begin by contacting Gambling Help on 1800 858 858 for information and free materials. Controlled gambling strategies include only carrying the money that you intend to gamble, not carrying credit/ATM cards, lowering limits on these cards, having a support person, setting up direct debits for accounts that must be regularly paid, and being honest about where you are going and what you are doing.

Alternatively, the enormous losses of the notorious ‘Nick the Greek’ and his eventual impoverished retirement may encourage you to seek help with the aim of quitting gambling all together. If you know you have a problem with gambling and want to quit  contact Gambling Help 1800 858 858.